I don't understand why I bother anymore. Everything in my relationship is downhill. I feel like I'm the only one making any effort and trying to fix things. I know for a fact that if the both of us don't work on it we're fucked. But I can't keep draining myself for nothing. I don't like this feeling that I have, its that empty feeling again.

   I was informed today that our relationship has been over for about a month now. There's nothing left for either of us.  So I ask myself this question. Why do we even bother seeing each other? Do I like to be miserable? Hell no, it hurts like hell. Knowing that someone you love so much could care less and not try anymore is a silent killer. I don't think that my heart can break anymore, I don't have enough pieces to pick up from the last few times..

   Everything is crazy, I can't deal with any of it anymore. I think I shall just stay at my parents house on the weekends and the husband can take the kids. I don't even want to call him husband anymore. I want to be me again and not some miserable wife. I don't know why I even thought things were going to get better. I guess I'm a fool. I have fucked up and I continue to fuck up being with him. I shall be done and not have to worry about anything anymore. I will take care of the kids and myself, I'm done caring for the someone I thought was my lover.

   I don't want to be in love anymore, it hurts too much. My relationship is way too much work and I am not going to put effort in if I get nothing back. I don't care if its better for the kids, I need to finally take care of myself. We'll see how well that goes..