Lifs thus far..

   So I have something good going on tomorrow. I also still have a lot of shit too. I just want it to be completely over and I don't ever want to have to deal anymore. I wish I could be a heartless bastard and not care. Death has been on the mind lately. Not too much else though...

   I have an interview tomorrow. I haven't told many people. Only 2 and whomever reads this. I'm hoping that everything will go good, cause its something that will help me out. I won't get my hopes up about it much though, things seem to always turn for the worse.

   I blew up at my family on Sunday. My parents say that I am disrespectful because I told my daughter to shut up with her whining. I need to get the hell out of this place. I can't be here much longer. They don't help with my depression and my wanting to kill myself. All they do is put me down and the say the care and support me but they never do. They want me out.. I should just leave and not come back. Go live how I want to, or die. I have nothing much more for me. My kids tell me they don't care and don't want to live with me or be with me. I'm not good at anything I do. I try so hard to make sure that everything is good and nothing goes well at all.. I just want it all done and over with.

   I want to go into the army. I have been thinking about it an awful lot lately. It'll be great for me and give me confidence about myself. I need something to make myself better. I'm going crazy not having anything..

   I have been thinking a lot more about how to fix things. I need to just give up. I'm so sick of everything and I can't deal anymore. Then I think about dying. It seems so easy. So what if people think its an easy way out. My husband always runs. If I die, I would be the one running, but I usually never do. I don't see much more good coming out of anything. I just need to make sure my kids are taken care of before anything happens though. and If I fail at trying, I'll get locked up.. Maybe its what I need. I need hel to make things better for me. I need it. We'll see. Maybe if I tell my doctor they'll help me more...

This is my song for my life right now..